Was It Me?

A few days ago, I was at the beach, and I saw him standing there. He looked familiar, but I wasn't sure if it was really him, because he looked different, and changed. He however was, oblivious of the fact that his presence, made any difference – he didn't care. He looked lost, containing a void, devoid of hope, where he hid himself. There was something strange, he wasn't himself anymore. The last time anybody saw him, was a good two-and-a-half years ago. He looked disheartened, for whatever the reason it was. The last time, I remember, he was the happiest person he could be.

His starry eyes, gazed into the sunset, as he skipped stones, across the waves of the sea. I turned away, I had to go – one of my friends called out for me.

I don’t usually, have a tough time remembering people. But, him? He did remind me of somebody. I wonder, who it could be. I couldn't place his name in my head. I kept thinking, I pondered before I slept, as I took this strange, vague thought to my bed. Then suddenly, I wondered if it was just a ‘him’, I saw at sea. I believe in signs, and from my abridged, transformed past, maybe this was one of them. But yeah, it could have been him standing there, or maybe….. Was it me? 

Reconnect

It's been some time since I've blogged, and this time, have had no reason not to. It’s been over two weeks, since my tenth finals got over. Honestly, I didn't know what I should blog about. It feels like eternity, since I last put my thoughts to words. Yes, the poem I posted, was one that I’d written quite a long time back, when I was writing ‘Separation’. I am unable to write much, and it’s not the lack of thoughts that’s bothering me. The thoughts are all there, but maybe, they’re just too close to me, to type it out.

I have lived in five cities, and been to five different schools. I have a pretty good memory. So much so, I still remember my best friend from Nursery, with whom I just spent about a year. I finally got a chance to reconnect, via Facebook. Yes, yay for technology. Unfortunately, he doesn't remember me. Well, I don’t blame him. It’s been at least thirteen years, I just have a good memory.

Here in India, after tenth grade, most of us move onto different schools or junior colleges, and two years down the line, part again. With the advancement in technology, why should we even give ourselves chances to reconnect, when we can be in touch all along? But then, there are few who disconnect, without ever being wanted to be connected. You still want to hang on, you know? There are so many memories attached that you don’t want to let go. But yes, hanging onto people, who aren't interested anymore, is like hanging onto breaking cliffs. You either end up loosening your grip, to fall through, or let the parts of the cliff fall along with you. The parts that you held onto, with all you had, thinking it’s going to stay strong, all fall apart.

I was cleaning my room, every inch of it, to weed out things I don’t use anymore, and to get rid of all those books, that annoyed me throughout the year. In the process, I stumbled upon some old birthday cards, and that, made me reconnect to the past, of what was. I spent a good hour, remembering the last 8 years of my life, since the last time I had moved cities or schools. I realised, how things can change so quickly, how our ambitions, and our wants and needs, can change so suddenly, and most importantly, how what we stand for, as individual human beings, can change so drastically.

Times change, people change, and somebody is always left estranged.
That’s the way, the train of life is, and it’s always trying to get you, derailed.

Separation (Poem)

The tears that flow down, leave nothing but scars.
As all that said and done, remains in your heart.
The disappointment collects, deep within,
After all, you promised to stay through thick and thin.
The separation affects me, not anymore,
as I finally learn to live and let go.
Leaving the past behind, pretending to forget,
all the memories you gave, ever since the time we met.

It’s definitely a time to forget,
a time to forget to reconnect.
It’s true that people always leave,
but this time, it’s going to be me;
With the belief:
“If it’s not you, it won’t be me.”